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as bright as night
as bright as night
I am 16, dealing with life and what it throws at me. This is my escape from the real world.
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Anonymous asked: My dad sexually and physically abused me until I was 13. I'm 16 now, and I have depression and anxiety, and I've tried to kill myself hundreds of times. I drink and take a lot of pills and cut and I want to die. How did you get better? I can't see a future. I want to die so bad, and I have nightmares and everything is a trigger. How did you deal with it all? This is awful sorry


Answer:

k-e-e-p--b-r-e-a-t-h-i-n-g:

I’m going to start off by telling you that you are strong and I’m proud of you for having made it this far. I don’t know if you told anyone about what your father did to you but I really hope you did. It’s hard to get through that kinda trauma without the support of your family or counseling. I understand your use of pills and alcohol because we all have some sorta way to deal with the pain.Now I have to tell you that it’s not going to be easy to get pass this but I promise it’s temporary.

The pain you feel is temporary.Everything you had to face,all the suffering you’re going through will end. It may not be today or tomorrow but you will reach that point where the pain is bearable. You will reach that point where you won’t have to struggle to get up every morning and face your life. It’s difficult to face any of this alone and even though you may be scared,you have to let someone in.Not everyone we let in is going to hurt us.Whether it’s a teacher or a family member,heck even someone you talk to online,you’ll feel better having someone to carry all this weight with you.
As a survivor of sexual abuse, I understand all the nightmares you have at night. All that fear you have of your past repeating itself.You take the pills and drink the alcohol to make yourself forget how much it hurts because you think it will crush you if you feel so you numb yourself. One of the first steps to recovering from this experience is to accept it happen and there isn’t anything we can do to change it. You have to realize that your worth does not decrease because of what happened to you. You matter and even though taking your life may seem like the only way out of this hell,believe me it’s not. You are important to affected by your existence. But don’t live for them. Do it for you. Stay alive because 10 years from now you will have a different perspective on life. Stay alive because the universe created you with all these atoms so that you would have the chance to breathe. You may feel trapped in an endless cycle of sadness right now but it does not last. Everything is temporary. We’re going to hit high points in our life and low points.Even when we think we can get any lower we do but that also means even though we think we can’t get any higher,we do.

You asked me how to get better and my answer is to keep fighting. Yes it gets tiring however in the end,you’ll see how amazing it is to finally feel alive. Live for your future self.Live for your future friends,family and companions. It’s going to be okay. Everyday,you’ll wake up and it will hurt a little less as long as you learn to let go of what happened. Move on from what is hurting you. The scars will still be there but when you touch them remind yourself that you are different now,stronger. You are a fighter and you will win. Focus on accepting how beautiful you are as a human being. Make goals for yourself, start off small. Baby steps are important. When you feel sad, cry if you need to. Scream if you must. Go to a quiet place whenever you feel stressed out. Remember every situation is temporary. When the memories return,read or write or listen to music as loud as you possibly can. Call someone and ask them to tell you a funny story. Remember to breathe when you feel the walls closing in. Take 10 deep breaths. Count until you can’t remember why you were upset. This is how it will get better. You staying alive and proving to yourself how incredibly strong you are.

You matter.Never forget how much you matter. Message me if you need to talk again and please keep fighting

(via fawun)

(Source: patchoulee, via lookingfora-savior)

I didn’t lose a friend, I just realized I never had one.

at all, k.p.k (via towritepoems)

(via slowly-fading-away-into-nothing)

It wasn’t until
I was out of my mind
that I noticed
the angry people spoke
with their hands,
the happy people spoke
with their eyes,
and the sad people
never spoke
at all.

At a few of my friends’ dance recital and I am baked Lol! I am def not part of this kinda crowd, really shows the difference between how I used to be compared to how I am.. I could of ending up in this kind of crowd, but I changed my path and decided which friend group I joined. I eventually reconnected with this friend group, but it was too late, I had already gone too far down the other road to be able to turn back.

rebecinema asked: Have you ever had self esteem issues over how pale you are? Cause I'm pale as hell but I think that we both know that dark lipstick is the best thing for us paley's


Answer:

rubyreed:

Some of my friends make fun of me for it, but when it comes to body image issues it’s really low on my list. To be honest, I like my skin tone more than I dislike it and it’s lot like I can really change it much (I barely tan) so I think it’s much better to embrace it. Without really light and really dark skin tones and everything in between the world would be a much more boring place. Plus, you know, it can come in handy on Halloween. 

kill your curiosity

1. Last kiss
2. Last phone call
3. Last text message
4. Last song you listened to
5. Last time you cried
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice
7. Been cheated on
8. Self harmed
9. Lost someone special
10. Been depressed
11. Been drunk and threw up
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
12. had sex
13. How many people have you had sex with this year?
15. Made a new friend
17. Laughed until you cried
18. Met someone who changed you
19. Found out who your true friends were
20. Found out someone was talking about you
26. What did you do for your last Birthday
27. What time did you wake up today
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for
30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life
32. What are you listening to right now
33. When is the last time you had sex?
34. Who's getting on your nerves right now
35. Most visited webpage
36. Favorite colour
37. Nicknames
38. Relationship Status
39. Zodiac sign
40. Male or female
41. Primary school
42. Secondary School
43. High school/college
44. Eye color
46. Height
47. Do you have a crush on someone
48. What do you like about yourself
49. Piercings
50. Tattoos
51. Righty or lefty
FIRSTS:
53. First piercing
54. First best friend
55. First hookup
56. First Bestfriend
RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating
60. Drinking
61. I'm about to
62. Listening to
63. Waiting for
YOUR FUTURE:
64. Want kids?
65. Get married?
66. Career
WHICH IS BETTER:
67. Lips or eyes
68. Hugs or kisses
69. Shorter or taller
70. Older or Younger
71. Romantic or spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms
73. Sensitive or loud
74. Hook-up or relationship
HAVE YOU EVER:
76. Kissed a stranger
77. Drank hard liquor
78. Lost glasses/contacts
79. Had sex
80. Broken someone's heart
82. Been arrested
83. Turned someone down
84. Cried when someone died
85. Fallen for a friend
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself
87. Miracles
88. Love at first sight
89. Heaven
90. Santa Clause
91. Kiss on the first date
92. Angels
93. How would you label yourself?
94. Someone You Pray Everyday For
95. Did you sing today
96. Who From All Your Ex's have You Cared The Most About
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?
98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?
100. Do you like the way you look?
Actually ask me something. Anon or not.

six word story  (via terrible)

(Source: velvet-plats, via just-an-omega)

I want all my secrets back

One For Sorrow, C.Barzak (via bl-ossomed)

(Source: delilahmalloy, via just-an-omega)

Don’t ever put your happiness in someone else’s hands. They’ll drop it. They’ll drop it everytime.
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